When I close my eyes and see myself 3 years back I find a girl who’s way too different than what I see in the mirror today. So many lessons and changes in just 3 years overwhelms me sometimes but yet they (by they I mean my family, my relatives and few friends with whom I have shared the maximum percentage of my life until now) know the same me, all my identity proofs hold the same name and same unrecognizable picture which like everyone of you I too hide and is ashamed to show. People who define Saumya by name, designation and qualification think I am the same girl with added number in my age, some added qualification and a professional title. They know lot of things about me which helps them define me and my identity in their brain. But will you believe me if I say I am not that Saumya at all, except my physical appearance which hasn’t changed since decades, my skin color which is same, and few of my core beliefs which are embedded deep inside my subconscious mind.
Before I haven’t left my home, my city I was really not aware about how the world will address me, how will the people around who are strangers will greet me, how will the different cities welcome me, I was always excited to run through all these experiences and live them but since things were stagnant initially I used to find these imaginations of my brain very far from reality in this life, and at times I used to think that I may spoil things at my end as I am little stupid when it comes to making choice and decisions on my own about certain things. As a little school girl I used to imagine roaming around and meeting new people, making new friends and living new experiences but that imagination never showed enough of self confidence in me, I was afraid to accept what I really was. I was a girl lacking trust on my own self and damn afraid of dying, hence much afraid of walking alone in this journey of life.
I was afraid to take any risk and take any step which had even little chances to take my life, I never realized that wasn’t in my hand ever. I remember I once was made to sit on a boat for 10 mins in one of the small rivers out of my city, I literally cried like hell to put me out of it just because when I saw that vast river my brain immediately brought that fear up and I imagined it might drown and I might loose my life.
Another one happened when I first saw mountains, with my family I went to a temple above the mountains, the view from up made me afraid, my brain started giving me possibilities of me loosing my life, what if my leg slip, I loose balance and I fall down and die, so many hidden fears and insecurities.
But gradually as I stepped out of my comfort zone I realized I was becoming little stronger each time, I never knew the more I was putting myself in uncomfortable situation the more courageous I was being. The moment I left my city for a job, the real transformation started, I have started challenging my very own beliefs and fears.
To mention few, I have done the longest river rafting in Rishikesh, India of about 37 kms in river Ganga(a girl who was afraid to sit in small boat in calm river faced those huge rapids of Ganga), 1km long firefox(girl who was afraid of free fall and heights was hanging feets above the ground level for few minutes), several long treks on the mountains, repelling, tried to swim in ocean(though with all the safety but still tried), climbed up one of the world famous water fall in Jamaica, drove home alone many times at night, traveled alone many times, lived alone in home at night with lights off(important one as I used to have the biggest fear of darkness, so this seems to be an achievement for me), faced criticism and judgement alone(a significant milestone again) which made me learn to embrace it all now and many more small and big things.
Looking back to the journey that started 3 years back has changed me lot, going through so many challenges, meeting so many different people and having really great learning from them I realize all the adventures that I had have been the best teachers so far, they taught me practical know hows of living life, and here I am writing this post with a completely new mindset, the girl I am today grows and changes every single day of the hour. It has not only given me awesome memories and release of intense dopamine but also I have seen the difference in the way I welcome challenges, my attitude towards problems and life has changed a lot.
I have seen and felt many of you are like old me who instead of taking adventures and challenges, take a safe route, never prefer walking at the edge of the mountainous path having valley beside, reach home early as the dark brings fear, take all sort of precautions to stay away from any mis-happening and never put oneself in difficulty which may cause pain but that is not what life has planned for you, to learn the art of living you must learn how to deal with the surprises that life throws on you, you must face your fear upfront before life makes a rigid plan to teach you one, and this is what I have learnt so far, if I start defining all the experiences that I have had in this post you will definitely feel too much to read so I will keep it short and simple with a lesson:
“Step out of your comfort zone a little, take some adventures in your way and let them teach you the best lessons of your life”