How to keep your relationships healthy

“Don’t you dare to ever call me again” she blasted at the loudest pitch of her voice disconnecting the call. She wasn’t even able to complete her first breathe, her phone started vibrating again. Ugh….!!! She got mad, trying to ignore the call, she started breathing deeply. Phone kept on vibrating till the time she was trying to calm herself with whatever was happening. Finally she chose to switch it off so that a moment of relief could visit her heart. But the brain never lets you do what your heart wants, so within few minutes she switched it on again, and as expected, it started vibrating the moment phone got in network. In the midst of those emotions filled with anger she receives a glimpse of another feeling as she notices his name on the screen. She suddenly realizes the effort that person is making which inclines her towards him. She feels pity on him and give importance to his efforts rather giving importance to the mistake he made. She chooses to accept the call and act as if she is still angry a lot but the reality is that she has already forgiven him. His call, his explanation and his apology will just be a formality to her. All this happens because of the EFFORTS of consistent efforts he makes and also that she notices his efforts in spite of that anger in her heart. Because she was in a misunderstanding that he was making efforts for her, for her own identity instead the truth was he was making efforts for himself, as he was afraid to be alone so anyone could have filled his loneliness and hence this wasn’t making a relationship healthy rather it was just to fill the gap of his emptiness by anyone who is easily accessible. She knew the day he’ll not make anymore efforts that relationship will die, because that’s how it always was. For her it was tough to bear him and for him it was tough every time to make those efforts. Since people generally avoid tougher things in life and choose the easy ones so they both ultimately chose the easy way and the relationship died its own death.
Consistent efforts towards anything always end up giving you success. It works well in any area of life be it towards your career or anything that you want in your life. Life’s any toughest battle could be won if you consistently work on it! But in case of relationship sometimes it gives you instant pleasure because somehow by efforts you make things fine on upper level but then you give a limited life to your relationship because it survives only on someone’s efforts and there is no more string that connects you.
This is a small true story that shows only EFFORT is not the real nutrient to make a relationship healthy, then what are the right and important nutrients which make a healthy relationship, here are four important nutrients:
1. Reason: ‘Why’ should be very clear in a relationship. Both of you should know ‘Why’ are you together or ‘Why’ should you be together. And the most important thing is that the reason should not be self centered, most of the time it is. People say I like this about you, I can do this for you, I can bring moon on earth for you, A friend like you is hard to find these days, blah blah n blah. All these statements make the other one feel special which in turn gives birth to higher expectations in a relationship. It shows, first person is completely selfless and is only living on this planet for the other one but it’s never true. I said reason should be clear so one should think what if he has someone else in place of me, what connects us more deeply, what is the value of the identity of both, is it just because of opposite gender or is it just because of situations or circumstances or is it really destined to happen between both of you, all these questions will bring clarity in your relationship which will help to make your reality more healthy. Clarity of reason is very important ingredients in any relationship with anybody, it will lead you to permanent relationships which will keep you both away from drama and the bond that you will gradually make will be worth it. Be very careful, you might be a prey of someone’s loneliness, you might be a prey of someone’s desperation, you might be the only option for someone which could be easily replaced by anyone. Because relationship is all about being you so don’t let anyone treat you like an object, always ask your self why me for him/her, why is this relationship! People often do this mistake and then they suffer and then they stop indulging in other people which might be genuine and worthy as you all know prevention is better than cure. Ask yourself a question and enjoy the health of your relationship.
2. Understanding: The next important nutrient is Understanding. Before you try to understand the other person involved in the relationship you should understand yourself. The role you’ll play in the relationship is important for your happiness and peace and the other one as well. Because a little misunderstanding from any side can lead to a serious drama in your life so to keep yourself away from it examine very carefully and make sure there is a presence of understanding in it. Sometimes we are so lost in the world of imaginations and expectations that we really don’t understand the value of reality and hence a misunderstanding takes birth. Be understanding and be aware of the real feelings, don’t be lost in your fantasies which might play a role of a cancer which takes life from your relationship and leave you broken! Be aware of very important fact that the other person in relationship is not a robot or machine, he/she is too a human being and not a perfect one, he too has a heart which beats and feelings which dominate. So don’t try to cast him in your case.
3. Trust: Trust also plays a very important role in the health of your relationship. But here what I have to say is you don’t have to trust the other one, instead you have to be truly trustworthy. You don’t have to be the one letting your relationship survive until the other one is trustworthy rather you have to be the one who has to become trustworthy so that it is balanced from both the sides. There may be chances that the other one might not be able to keep up that trust but if you are keeping it safe from your side at the end you won’t be the one regretting instead you will always fell proud on yourself that you wasn’t the one who has been the reason to spoil your relationship. Trust is like a vitamin whose deficiency causes some or the other kind of disorder in your relationship. It generates disease of doubts and insecurities among the two which kills your relationship slowly and gradually. No matter how hard you try later, trust once lost is lost forever, so be careful always.

4. Love: Any relationship you are in, love is like water. As you know, our body consists 70% of water same way our relationship is made of 70% of love. Other nutrients are must but they aren’t required in such a larger quantity like love. Now this word which is so common nowadays and every body is blindly running toward it and for it is of no use. Love doesn’t mean getting what you love, love means making others happy selflessly. Meaning of love cannot be expressed in words completely because it is an experience and this experience is different with every person we meet, so you need to be conscious and define your own feeling of love and be bigger than just having a tag of relationship.

There are many nutrients which are required for healthy relationship but these four are among the essential ones. Without them no relationship can blossom it’s happy and healthy life. I have experienced, have been broken, have been ditched, have been cheated, have made lots of fake relationships and  then have learned them. Now I apply them in my life and I feel so happy that I am having real people in my life.