My Life Vs Me!

Hey! Thanks for taking out few very priceless minutes of your life to read it, though this post revolves around the incidents of my life and me, but I think you will definitely find some relevance and realize at the end that it was worth reading, because this is how life and we keep competing together.
Like many of us, I and my life also have the relationship of Tom and Jerry, I being ‘Jerry’. So If I say Tom anywhere  in this post, I will be addressing ‘my life’. We find our self saying one sentence very often “I wanted to do this but life made me do something else” We are into this relationship since our genesis, but like you all I too never cared to think about it because I was involved in some mundane stuffs around.
It was last year of my college life and I was not only being graduated in terms of education but many other things at the same time, the experience I was going through was not very pleasant. I would describe it as a hard time, not only I was struggling with my studies but also personally I had created chaos with Tom (my life). Not to forget we both were responsible for such situations but Tom has larger share. He has always tried to put me in midst of most difficult puzzles existed in this universe. Sometimes I got out of it and sometimes I ended up being the poor trapped Jerry. Trying to be vigilant I took some sound and prudent decisions to incorporate for the future days I was going to live.
Love life though I did not had very sensible one ever but still I was done with it now. The doors were strictly closed with “NO ENTRY” sticker in big bold letters. And they are still closed, happy to stick to my decision. Initially I used to be worried about it, but then one of my very good friend (UD-Udaya) convinced me so beautifully that now I feel proud on my decision. He just said one line “Saumy do you find Ferrari everywhere on road? NO na, So Darling precious things are not easily available; let someone work hard for you.”
Wow! I never thought that way.
Making friends was not the cup of my tea anymore. I had experience of having some of the very good friends but unfortunately like every other living thing it also has the “bell shaped curve”, started ->went on extreme levels->gradually degraded to nothing, leaving me wrecked and crushed. So I decided not to engage in being serious about this word “Friendship” anymore.
The next thing happened was seriously amazing. We all do this in our lives, indulge ourselves in something, accept what comes in front of us, experience it, learn from it, keep living with it until we enjoy it, suddenly when we hit the wall while moving in a flow, we become attentive and make few judgments as the conclusion of whatever bad experiences we had and decide to move on with few resolutions made to be forgotten. The moment we again come across something new, we forget about what the conclusion of previous incident was and again experience the same thing.
The “FOR loop of life” keeps on executing infinitely and we keep on living- playing hide and seek with Tom. The best thing is that Tom never gets tired getting Jerry in trouble because Jerry is always ready with open arms to be in one(:p)
Well, I was prepared completely with all conclusions and affirmations to start new and this time I thought I would be strong enough to defeat Tom(My Life). I firmly thought that I will not let Tom be the driver in this journey rather make it sit beside me to watch him applying gears and brake. We were about to take very important journey until now because it was what I always aimed at before I went to my college. I had only one strong and burning desire i.e to have a job before I finish my college and somehow I managed to get one. I was so happy because this was significantly for the first time I have actually got what I have desired for. We make so many wishes and desire from our life but we hardly bother to act for it. We keep expecting serendipity, which never happens. So whatever we get out of it we feel happy, and whatever we don’t get, we have unlimited words in our vocabulary to curse our luck and our destiny.
The job was just a gift Tom gave me, I thought we were friends now, who knew this was just a cajoling step of that cunning Tom to not let me be the driver. I have got the job but still I had no clue when to join, where to join and was also not somehow satisfied with the profile I was getting. It was like that gift voucher or coupon code that comes with terms and condition with stars above it. This was seriously not my plan, but Tom lured me to do it, I was by now trapped unconsciously. I tried few of the other options I had on my list (though I don’t have many strong social connections but the ones I have are best ones.) Among them was one angel, this title is not just for the sake that she turned my life’s barren land into the most fertile ever, but she actually deserves this title. I was so blessed to have her and thank Universe for sending her and making me know her. She is among one of the most genuine personality I have ever seen until now. Her name is Maha Waseem Jan(My Maha Di). She actually understood what I was going through and how important the job was for me so she helped me to get one other job by her connections. I cleared all the interview rounds fortunately and the job was mine. I seriously had no idea what it was but I was going to be known as a “Business Analyst”(BA) for the rest of my life as this was the profile I got there. I had to join after 15 days. My heart was full of intense excitement and mixed feelings as this was completely new turn.
Here began the real game between Tom and Jerry. I would not describe it being the completely disappointing one because this was the journey of finding the gems but yes after all Tom became the driver once again. I was feeble enough to fight with him, so I chose to go with the flow.
One by one my all affirmation lost their importance and I was once again involved in something I decided not be in. I never thought about history repeating itself, because it wasn’t. Jerry was happy with wherever Tom was taking him. Life suddenly pushed one person out of nowhere. I later realized it was the first gem. We somehow met, started sharing texts, calls and became important for each other. It really took very long time to conclude finally that we were- friends? Best friends?. Until I could realize this, I was the one to make it difficult every time. He was clear from starting that the relationship we share is nothing less than being best friends and also nothing more than just being the best friends. But it was really tough from my end to accept it. I unconsciously developed some special feelings for him forgetting about those “no entry” stickers. I was open to let him come and be with me. Being incapable to distinguish the feelings which were actually between us I always ended up making it worst. I always expected him to be like I was assuming and he was always like he was, always trying to make the friendship more deep and pious. I was so silly not to be able to see it.
It happens very often with all of us and hence we face so many challenges in relationships. We keep rushing with our feelings, never ever think about applying breaks, taking a deep breath and being aware about what the things actually are, we are so much lost in our false assumption. But you know what? It takes few seconds to heal yourself, you have all possible choice around you, the only thing one needs to do is, ‘to be aware’. I feel so relaxed after I realized this. Being with him many times I accused Tom, to put me in the situation I wasn’t ready for, but that was neither Tom’s fault nor his, it was all because of lack of awareness. I was living in hypothetical world, not able to see the reality. I am happy without any complains that he was in my life. I don’t panic, I don’t get angry without any reason like I used to be often before. We were“bro buddies”.

As you already got to know that I have almost broken my second affirmation of not making friends while still being in my home town, I thought to make it over by the modified version of it. I said to myself “ Fine, I will not make any friends in the new city I go for my job.” Guess what, Tom again poked me. The very first day when I was sitting in the reception area of that lavish place, drawing conclusions from everything I was seeing around me, suddenly a girl came rushing from outside. She was really panting as if she has to climb more than 100 stairs. She sat beside me and raised a quick request for the glass of water ASAP. Until she got the glass of water she did not let me think anything, because I was only noticing her with blank mind. Finally my brain got to work again and the first thing it said was “My god! she is really beautiful but what makes her so unbalanced!” After this I was called inside for other formalities and I went away not expecting to meet with her ever again. The next day we had lunch outside the office in one of the south Indian restaurants, I am not that fond of South Indian cuisine so it wasn’t much exciting for me. I only knew my team manager so I went in her company. We were sitting and waiting for the food to be served and suddenly, again out of nowhere that girl came and sat with us. Then I got to know she has got the job too in the office, our conversation began and ended soon with exchange of few very general sentences. Next day I went for lunch with my team, this time it was office cafeteria and I found that girl already sitting inside. She chose to sit with us once again. She offered her lunch to me and said from next day she can bring extra for me. I was like “okay”. Slowly and gradually we started eating lunch together, I got totally dependent on her for lunch. I was breaking my affirmation once again but it wasn’t painful at all. She was really very caring and soon I realized she was my only but really very good friend. She took me to her home, introduced with her family, I felt like I got another home away from home. Universe is so amazing it always helps us by sending somebody to be there for us because being a human being we need somebody with whom we can share the things going around us, we need a shoulder to cry and someone to laugh with, someone to capture memories with, someone who can be your silly selfie partner.

I felt many times, Geet was not just a friend to me, she was an angel sent from heaven. I always feel grateful that I met her. I am more than happy to break my affirmation. I have a very good friend whom I can count on anytime. She has been like a mother to me who brought lunch for me, she has been a father to me being there to motivate me foe my dreams and help me financially, she has been a sister to me listening to all nonsense talks I had to tell her always, she has been a brother, holding my hands in the traffic and guiding me. I have a better word for her, she has been my “family” here in the strange place among unknowns. We had fights many of them, some were very serious ones, like we will never be friends again, or we will be known as enemies like I had few in past, but we share something which is perpetual and we have realized that it’s something very pious and fighting with each other is normal like I am most of the time in war with my sister. But the relationship she I had with her is so beautiful that If I am in any kind of trouble it affects her more than me, she gets so much worried that sometime it forces me to think, “Are we both in trouble or it’s only me?” I seriously love her and owe to her for all she has done for me.

In this new journey that I began in July 2015 and which ended in June 2016, the biggest achievement was Geet. We have so many sister stories, laughing together, crying together, eating together, sleeping together, gossiping together and fighting together. Ending was too soon than expected but then needless to say what I have got from it was also unexpected.
Pooja was a complimentary gift of this journey, we have never thought of talking normally ever, but in a very short time we became best friends. The credit for this complimentary gift again goes to Geet, it was she who made our bond stronger. I really miss every single second we have spent together. While being friends I realized we were very similar in our nature and hence may be we were meant to be together. I am thankful to the Universe that we met, and grateful to her for all that she did for me and being there for me unconditionally. I wish her to be successful.

Geet, UD and Shilpa (my lost gems) and my ever green gem TPT. I thank you all from the core of my heart for whatever you are, for whatever you have been till now and for whatever you have given me and for all those moments when I laughed because of you. I don’t have a long list from this journey, but I know they are more than enough to pull me out from any problems. If I ever count on them for one it will be worth it. Blessed to be the part of their life. They are unique and special in their own way.
This journey has been one of the very significant one among all, I have no grudges with Tom that he was a driver, he not only bought the new gems in my life described above but also blessed me with the two gems I have lost long ago(UD and Shilpa). They deserve a complete new post, it’s impossible to describe about them here.

P.S: I have written this article exactly one year ago so it might have few things which I was not clear about last year, things have changed, people mentioned in this post except few are not in my life now, but what hasn’t changed is my relationship with my life, we still fight, we still disagree to the things but I think these days Tom has became more dearer to me, we are in love with each other, and together we are grinding towards success.

You Turn:
How many gems do you have in your life? , stop whatever you are doing, count them and tell them that you are grateful to have them!


Thanks for being patient a patient reader. 

With Smile:
Saumya