I wanted to write this since decades but someone was there who always stopped me, and that someone was me. I wanted to share my views on this because I always thought it was different what I feel but expression is simply not possible because I thought I was not ready yet. Today is that big day because I am finally writing this and this is the perfect day. Inspiration came while reading one article on one of my favorite blog, I came across this amazing story which I will like to start with and then spill out my own thoughts. I know you might not love “reading” but I also know you love to LOVE and be LOVED so this becomes a must read ? Forget about not being a reading freak and give it chance, it will definitely be a time investment, I know you understand me.
The Girl in the Mirror
She looks at herself in the full-length mirror that hangs on her bedroom wall. Completely naked and exposed, yet confident. She’s older than she was five years ago, but feels much younger. And she thinks momentarily about the different men who held her in front of this mirror.
They thought they possessed her. They thought she was theirs. Because she was in their arms, so delicate and sweet. But really she possessed them. Because she was the one being the same standing in front of mirror always. And the moments that occur there too. She was the one feeling all the situations differently at different times.
She gazes down at the man lying naked in her bed. But he’s not just another man. For the first time in years, this one sleeps differently. With a subtle smile, a dash of poise, and a history free of envy. While watching him asleep she smiles and giggles to herself. She finds something extra in that ordinary man.
Just then, he stirs, slowly lifts his head, squints his eyes, and looks at her standing across the room, naked in front of the mirror. His movement startles her and she jumps being anxious to cover herself. Not because he sees her naked, but because she isn’t ready for him to be awake. Not yet.
This is her time, the early morning, when the world is quiet and she can hear the sound of her own breathing. It’s a sacred time when answers and insights aren’t as hard to come by. A time when her mind is at peace and her heart beats slower. And it begins beating slower again because he closes his eyes and falls back asleep.
She slips on her robe, tiptoes into the kitchen, pours coffee grounds and water into the coffee maker, places two slices of bread in the toaster, and opens the window curtains. The warm, early morning sun floods into her home. A few minutes later, the toaster pops. She spreads strawberry jam on the toast, pours a cup of coffee, opens the front door, and sits down on the doorstep.
And she thinks about how happy she is. Happy to simply be. To be free. To not be tied down by another person or have another person tied down by her. She stares up at the morning sky for a prolonged moment and smiles.
“I’m in love,” she says aloud.
The Guy on the Bed
He hasn’t fallen back asleep. When he lifts his head, squints his eyes, and sees her standing naked in front of the mirror, he senses that she isn’t yet ready for him to join her. So he closes his eyes and pretends to sleep.
He listens as she giggles, slips on her robe, tiptoes into the kitchen, and rattles the toaster, the coffee maker, and the curtains. He loves these little noises… Noises he calls music.
Like the music of last night, when they talked and laughed for hours over a bottle of wine. Until unexpectedly, she kissed him. And then he kissed her back. Not because they wanted to make love but because of her philosophy and her beauty. Desperateness to dissolve in each other was being dominated by the feeling of free love.
Being into those magical moments he thought he could love her. He wondered if he did love her already. And he wondered if she felt the same way.
When the kitchen noises stop, he gets up, slips on his boxers, and tiptoes into the living room where he sees her sitting peacefully on the doorstep. She’s completely bathed in the sun’s light. As she eats toast and drinks coffee, she seems to be laughing… a sweet, silent laughter.
He wants to bother her. To tell her that he’s hungry too, and that he wouldn’t mind sharing a slice of her toast. But he doesn’t. Because she seems so happy and free… the way it should be. So instead he stands in the doorway and admires her from a distance. And he thinks about the fact that she isn’t his… that she will never be his. And that it’s OK.
Because she just said, “I’m in love.”
Love and it’s simply complicated Logik:
Might be story above makes few things clear and may be not but there is something which should be raised first when it comes about defining something that real love never does:
Real love never limits you… it doesn’t restrict you… it does never tries to change you… it doesn’t entitle you or anyone to anything.
We sometimes think that we are bound to play the role of somebody that we have chosen out of social constraints. For example, if someone has accepted the role of being a person’s friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband, they feel entitled to get certain ‘favors’ from this person. If someone has accepted the role of being a best friend, he is expected to be the there with you come what may. If someone has accepted the role of being a parent, they feel entitled to being respected by their children. If someone has accepted the role of being a customer, they feel entitled to be served to their unique needs.
But, as it turns out, there are no hard-wired entitlements in life. And this is especially true for love.
Too often we associate love with limitations…
“If he loves me, he will change.”
“If she loves me, she will do what I say.”
“If she is my best friend she will too criticize my enemy with me”
But that’s not real love or real friendship. Not even close.
Real love and real friendship is un-limited. It is freedom.
In fact, by making each other free can only make them each other’s. When we are not forced, or tied, or pressured in a relationship, we can more easily see and remember the most perfect bonds and can focus on them to make them more stronger.
You might spend time with the person you love and catch yourself thinking, “He (or she) is perfect for me!”
Not perfect in their behaviors, or in their beliefs, or in their looks. Rather, perfect in the way they fit into your life, the way their rough edges fill the gaps between your own, the way their body rests against yours, the way both your voices flow together in harmony, the way you make each other feel complete, even when you are apart.
And this completeness ripples through every aspect of your lives. You both feel alive and full of incredible joy. And you are eager and excited and can’t wait to find a hundred little things that will make you feel even more alive, now that you have felt how deeply you can breathe the fresh air of freedom. You can clearly see that there are no definitive limits, and you laugh together about the fact that you both once thought there were, and then you laugh again simply because you are free to BE… together, or apart.
In this freedom, you choose to find divine perfection in each other’s humanness.
In this freedom, your happiness is vital to each other and sacrifices are made.
And, that may not always mean you are part of the equation.
And that’s perfectly OK.
For you, that is why it feels so incredible to love, and to be loved.
Because the love you feel is a choice. Because you have chosen it and are not bound to it. Because real love gives you that choice.
You both know deep down that to bind each other or tie each other or try to own each other in any way would be to minimize – to even kill – something within yourselves that is divine, and human, and soars and sings and keeps you both alive and free… and asks for nothing, yet give everything.
You both know that the moment you try to own each other is the moment you both become something else, other than what was sought, and desired, and loved in the first place.
So you choose to set each other free – completely unattached – even when you’re deeply connected.
This form of non-attachment does not mean not caring. On the contrary, it means, among other things, caring so deeply that you both honor each other’s space and freedom… to simply BE.
Real Love and Freedom
All details aside, the deepest craving of human nature is the need to simply be appreciated as is – to be free to BE. Sometimes we try to be sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image of what we want them to be – what we think we need, love, or desire. But these actions and perceptions are against reality, against their benefit and ours, and always end in disappointment, because it does not fit who they really are. The foundation of love is to let people be themselves without making them feel guilty for what they are, and to not distort them to fit our own egotistical ideas of who they “should” be. Otherwise we fall in love only with our own senseless fantasies, and thus miss out entirely on their true beauty. So save your relationships from needless stress. Instead of trying to change the people you care about, give them your support and grow together.
It’s important to note, too, that differences of opinion (even major ones) don’t destroy relationships – it’s how two people deal with their inevitable differences that counts. It comes down to mindful communication and compromise.
Truth be told, some couples (and friends and family too) waste years trying to change each other, but this can’t always be done, because many of their disagreements are rooted in fundamental differences of opinion, personality, or values based on their upbringing or distant past experiences. By fighting over these deep seeded differences, all they succeed in doing is wasting their time and running their relationship into the ground.
So how do two people in a relatively healthy relationship deal with the disagreements and differences that can’t be resolved?
They accept each other as is. These couples understand that problems are an inevitable part of any long-term relationship, in the same way chronic physical difficulties are inevitable as we grow older. These problems are like a weak knee or a bad back – we may not want these problems, but we’re able to cope with them, to avoid situations that irritate them, and to develop strategies that help us grow through them. Psychologist Dan Wile said it best in his book “After the Honeymoon”: “When choosing a long-term partner, you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unsolvable problems that you’ll be grappling with for the next 10, 20 or 50 years.”
In short “Acceptance of one another is of vital importance to every relationship – it is a big part of the foundation – the freedom – from which real love grows.” [Marc and Angel]
I don’t expect you to abruptly change the thoughts of true love because it’s not one night stand, but in case you are have almost drowned being in a relationship, claiming to be in true love still things aren’t working at all, this might work as a ray of hope and make you realize you still have some breath left to swim along.